LIFE CHANGING MARRIAGE SEMINAR

To all our new friends!

Cherae and I have been amazed at how many of you are reaching out to us!  If you cannot tell, we are desperate to give back to you and help you overcome your pain.  We recently met with Maurice Harker, our favorite marriage therapist, to discuss what we can do for those who have been through really tough times in their relationships.  We want to do more for you because we are finding we are unable to reply to all your emails and phone calls as fast as we want to.

We decided to put together an evening where we can share our story and what we have learned from it, but we also wanted you to have an exclusive educational experience with Maurice, whose teachings have made such a big difference in our lives.  Maurice has made available the evening of 24 October, 2014, a Friday night.  We are looking for a place in Davis County, Utah.  Don't worry, we have the technology to make it available on-line in webinar format for those who can’t make it in person.  

At this event, Cherae and I will share with you the best we can the things we have learned from our struggles, then we can have Maurice teach more principles from his significant experience and clinical skills.  If you have not met Maurice in his office, you are in store for an amazing education.  He has found a way to synergize Eternal Principles with cutting edge Psychological Concepts.  His teaching style is both entertaining and informative.  Each time you meet with him you will experience profound insight and development.  I am confident that you will be greatly served by the event.   It's not cheap to meet with him in his office, but he has agreed to be there for us for only $25/person or $35/couple.

If you have questions or you want to let us know you are coming, please text “4BandC” to 91011.  We will solidify the location once we get a good idea of how many will be attending, then we will let you know.  You can also contact Carol at 801-558-5952 to confirm your attendance.

I hope you are as excited about this event as I am.  Make sure you share this with your friends.  You never know who needs it.

Brandon

P.S.  If you want to get a head start reading what Maurice will be teaching, get his ebook, “I’m Not Okay, You’re Not Okay, and That’s Okay”.  It is a game changer.

GETTING INVOLVED

Several months ago some good friends of ours invited us to volunteer at the UCAP conference.  I was excited to just go and see what it was about.  I really had no idea what I was getting into other than I wanted to be there.  When we showed up we just helped escort and made sure the recordings were going ok as well as being able to attend some of the classes. (I will say quickly that Dr. Hilton was my favorite due to his knowledge about addiction and how the Atonement can help).  Seeing that everyone was there for the purpose of fighting against pornography was appealing.  I felt like I was doing something against the industry that had my soul for so many years.  After the conference I felt great knowing that I was not the only one in this fight AGAINST this plague.  Once I got over on this side of the fence I could see the small army forming to fight.

There are so many different avenues to go to in order to fight.  I am working on setting up the link in order for guys to go fight against the Carls Jr ads.  I was sorely disappointed that during Shark Week (a safe program for me to watch) there were a ton of ads for Carls Jr.  The pornographic hamburger commercials were enough for me to bail on watching the programs.  It was supposed to be a safe show that I could partake in and enjoy.  It was supposed to be a fun show that my family could enjoy.  My 14 year old boy and I spent more time looking away from the TV than we did seeing sharks fly out of the water.  My poor girls had to see women objectify themselves just to sell a hamburger at a crappy fast food restaurant.  What a shame that my family could not enjoy something that we have for years due to the obscene ads.  If you want to help out please go to the site: http://www.beautyredefined.net/cut-the-carls/  There are other website to also visit in order to fight against the pornography plague.  I would encourage all to go visit http://moralityinmedia.org to see what is new so you can get involved.  

I never really felt like the addiction was going to take me to a place where I wanted so badly to fight against this crap but it has and I am so grateful for Jake who has helped me out in getting involved against the industry.  For me getting involved against pornography has helped me stay out of it.  How can I fight against something that I indulge in?  I can't.  That is the point.  The more I fight against it the further the thoughts of going back to it are.  I love being on this side of the fence with the small army ready to attack.  I love being able to say that I am actively fighting against the monster that took so much from me.  I love being able to say that I am on the side that will ultimately win the fight.  I love being able to feel the power behind the movement to educate and thwart the evil that is entering homes on a daily basis.  

For those who are reading this and thinking to yourself that there is nothing you can do to fight against pornography well you are wrong.  There are meetings to attend, petitions to sign, shirts to buy to get off the shelves, people to educate and children to protect and adults to warn!  Please join me in my fight against the adversary.  Join Cherae in our fight against pornography.  Please join all of us who are in this for themselves or their loved ones or who just want to stand up for what is right.

I fight for my family.  I fight for the love of my Father in Heaven.  I fight so that someday when the pornography industry is in ashes I can say that I took the torch and lit the monster.

Brandon

TIME

     

        We all know the saying "Time heals all wounds", but have you ever really thought about that simple phrase.  I never have until recently.  In our society and in our ever present day and age we are a people of instant gratification.  We want everything NOW!  We have email because heaven only knows we can't wait for things to arrive in the mail.  Especially with jobs these days.  The postal service couldn't deliver mail fast enough for the things we need to do our jobs correctly.  There's "fast food" for the moments we don't want to, or don't have the time to cook.   And lets not look past electronics.  We have texting to immediately chat with someone because again, who wants to wait for the time it takes to correspond through the mail.  We use Google on a daily basis to find the answers to our questions while online, and if thats not enough we have Siri that we can ask and immediately get our answers.  All of these things are of great value to us.  I often wonder how we would possibly get through life without them, but the one thing that these instant resources don't teach us is patience.
       Through the first few days of Brandon's post disclosure oh how I wanted an instant fix.  Who wouldn't right?  The pain was almost to intolerable to bear, I needed it removed from me.  Not to mention how was I going to get through this unbearable trial?  TIME.  And unfortunately when you are put in situations such as mine, TIME also feels like your worst enemy.  During a session I had with Maurice (http://www.lifechangingservices.org) he told me about a specific culture who lived in the "now" due to how many natural disasters their country encounters each year.  They never know if there will be a tomorrow.  He told me of a form of meditation they use to live in the "now".  Find a moment and use all 5 of your senses.  Listen- to what is going on around you, even if you think your in a place where there is no sound if you listen you will find something.  Smell- your baby's blanket, a comforting scent, whatever is in the air.  See-your surroundings, a flower blossoming, the trees turning colors, a cloud covered sky, look around you.  Feel-touch something, or feel something touching you.  Taste- whether it be the gum you are chewing, or the lunch you may be eating, just really taste.   I recall a particular moment early on in my recovery that I was having a very hard time and I remembered this exercise Maurice had told me about.  I was in the shower sobbing, I sat on the floor of the shower and let the water fall on me and used all 5 of my senses.  I concentrated on nothing else but that moment and those senses, and while doing that I told myself over and over "right now in this moment you are safe".  Using that exercise got me through that moment that day.  I have used it many other times when feeling unsafe.
        Sometimes time seems to stand still.  Especially when every day is just like the one before.  I woke up every morning knowing that I was dealing with the effects of Brandons' actions, they were the same actions that effected me the day before, and the day before that.  Those actions were NEVER changing and NEVER going away, they were forever going to be a part of my life.  And so time stood still.  How do I fix the next day so his past actions would have a different effect?  (Now thats a loaded, million dollar question isn't it?) I prayed more, read scriptures more, pushed thoughts out of my head and replaced them with comforting ones,  and most of all I tried to change my outlook on the situation.  I started to look for the positives as to why this happened.  Changing my thoughts from "WHY ME", to "why NOT me"? And before long my days were not as still as they had been.  Time was moving again for me, and without realizing it that "time" was starting to heal me.  Now don't get me wrong here, there is ALOT more that we all need to heal than just "time".  But time is a big contributing factor into healing.
        Heavenly Father knows what our needs and wants are, and nine times out of ten we are not immediately granted those needs and wants.  They all take time, and during that time is when we grow in strength.  A Warrior never became a Warrior over night.  It takes time, and patience, and the proper training to become a Warrior.  We go through trials in our life to strengthen us, to teach us whatever it is we need to learn, and to prepare us for greater things to come.  A sweet lady told me recently of her deepest darkest moment in her life and in her depths of despair her brother told her that "what happened to her may have been a tragic accident, but it was no mistake".  Heavenly Father doesn't make mistakes.  We are all going through the exact trials that we, ourselves need to be going through.  I encourage you to turn to your Heavenly Father during those trials, lean on him, know that he is there, and allow for "time" and the atonement to heal ALL your wounds.

Please take a moment to watch this short clip on The healing power of Jesus Christ
http://www.mormonchannel.org/video/mormon-messages?v=3736551143001


I fight for all of you who are struggling.  May peace be with you

Lots of love,
Cherae

LIFE LINES (PART 2)

This post really goes back to December for me.  It goes back to the day that I decided to come clean and face this monster that I could not shake.  All throughout the addiction I felt like there was no where to turn.  Nobody had been in my shoes before so how could anyone help.  I had done so much and had no idea where to turn but continued to figure I was just going to die in my addiction.

Before I told the entire story to Cherae we had invited some friends over to talk about the pornography situation with them.  My friend J had gone through his own addictions and was there for me to talk and listen and understand.  He may not realize it but he was very influential on me the night we met.  The most important thing he taught me was to tell the whole truth.  Get it all out.  I was not going to get better until I was honest with Cherae.  I think he could tell that there was more than needed to be told.  How grateful I am for him and congratulate him on his 4 years of sobriety.  He is one of my heroes.  He has been a great support and will always be a great friend.  As I told J that the Bishop wanted me to read a certain book, he just looked at me and told me to get as much out of it as I could.  I could tell that it had helped him.  I was trying to play it off but he was serious and I was impressed that I needed to buckle down and face this addiction and issues head on.

It was early in December when everything was ripped out of my hands and I had nothing to rely on and felt like there was nobody there for me.  I found myself at my parents home because where do you turn when you have nothing?  My first lifeline was my parents.  I knew how disappointed they were going to be.  It was so hard to face them and tell them the things that I had done.  I kept my head down and my hat over my eyes so they could not see my face as I was vomiting my story on them.  As I got done telling them everything and anticipated the lecture all I felt from them was sorrow and love.  I was shocked.  The more I look at the situation I feel that that is how my heavenly parents would react to a son who is trying to get back to a heavenly home.  My parents surrounded me with love.  They supported me so much to get into a recovery program and find the resources needed to overcome this addiction.  They have been true champions and such great examples to me.  Each day as I pray I thank my Father in heaven for my earthly parents.  Their love for me is real and I know that I was blessed to come to this earth and be in their care.  My parents will only understand the love that I have for them when we are on the other side together looking back on this life and then they will understand what they are to me.

As I was living at my parents and starting these different recovery programs I reached out to someone who would ultimately heal me.  I had prayed before and had always believed that Christ was there for me.  However, this situation was on a different level.  I needed Him.  I needed the love and the compassion that He had for me so that I could get better.  I know that He sends others on this earth to do His work.  I know that He loves me.  I have felt his love like never before.  I know that the pain and suffering that He has gone through has given Him the ability to understand what I have gone through.  It is my testimony that Christ loves each of us more than we will understand, more than a parent can love a child.  Christ's love is so perfect.  As I continue to reach out to him I find the answers that I need in my recovery.  I find the strength to get through each day.  I find the strength to overcome the temptations and trials that come my way.  I know that His grace is sufficient for me to overcome whatever I am faced with.  Christ will ALWAYS be the ultimate lifeline.  He will NEVER abandon anyone and I know that because he never abandoned me.  How blessed I have been to have parents who raised me with that understanding that Christ is real and loves each of us here on this earth.

Maurice was a big help to me when in 2009 I was meeting with him regarding some marriage counseling.  Although I was not honest with him at the time I learned a lot.  I would end up going back to the things he was teaching me to fight this battle.  His understanding of addiction and the enemy had been key for me.  Understanding how and when the enemy will attack is amazing.  I can receive the information from the spirit that I need to know when the next attack will be and can get prepared for it.  I suggest reading his book and understanding the principles that he teaches.  Cherae and I were able to speak today at one of Maurices conferences.  Maurice is one of my hero's.  Thanks Maurice.  You have helped me change my life.  http://www.lifechangingservices.org

LifeStar was also a huge lifeline for me.  Ken Schwab runs a great program.  He listed to me and invited me to participate in the program.  The program focuses on the addiction and understanding what it does to the brain and how destructive it is.  Ken is patient and understanding.  He has been so good to me and helping me understand the principles that the program has to offer.  The group setting for me was key so that I could see that I was not alone in this fight and others had been in my shoes.  I will appreciate Ken forever and for the program that he has to offer.  I remember telling him in the very beginning that Cherae would not participate.  The first week everyone there could tell that Cherae was not happy to be there to deal with MY issues.  Ken's promise to me was that if I worked the steps and focused on God that I would get back to Him and that my wife would be there with me.  As the weeks and months went by I could see the change in my life and the change in the life of my wife.  We were talking and communicating like we never had before.  LifeStar was critical for us and for our relationship.  Ken, you are a great man and will always be my friend.  Thank you for all you have done for me.  I also want to thank all of my brothers who were in group with me.  You were all so helpful for me.  Ian, you are a life long friend.  You and I were meant to meet.  Thank you for your friendship.  Thank you for hanging in there and continuing to fight.  You are going to be an amazing husband and father one day.  Keep going!  http://www.lifestar-davis-weber.com

ARP will be a staple for me for the rest of my life.  The LDS addiction recovery program is inspired.  It is Christ's program here on earth to help heal the sick and wounded.  He is the focus and is the reason the program works so well.  I love my group and my brothers in the program.  I love being able to go there each week and feel the spirit and feel the love that we all have for each other.  The spiritual aspect of the program has been vital for me to be able to sustain sobriety.  The program is a program of action and as long as the participant is willing to work then the program will be a success.  Just like the scriptures say "knock and it shall be opened", knocking on the door is a requirement by the person who wants to get the help.  The effort needs to be there and it has to be treated like boot camp.  Jump in, do the work, work your guts out, put all the effort you can into it.  It will work.  I know and can say that because it worked and continues to work for me.  https://addictionrecovery.lds.org/?lang=eng

Jake.  I can't say enough good about him.  Jake just moved into our ward and was there for me at my first 12 step meeting.  His timing of moving into the ward was not by coincidence.  I needed him to help me get on the right track.  Jake sat me down early in the recovery process and helped me understand more about it and what I needed to do in order to overcome the addiction.  As I went to LifeStar and ARP I felt like I had an advantage of already knowing what I needed to be doing.  It was amazing for me to continue to meet with Jake and get more information from him.  I am so blessed to have him in my life as a mentor and as a good friend.  Jake was there for me when I got to steps 4 and 5 in the 12 step program.  These steps are hard and gut wrenching.  It was so nice to have a friend there who could listen to my story and help me through the process.  Jake, thank you!

Just to clarify, I needed and continue to need ALL of the resources that I have written about.  They will all continue to be a guide for me in my life.  Some of the programs that I am involved with will be part of my family forever.  As we continue to work with Maurice and his program we continue to feel the spirit and feel the energy to combat the enemy.  Both of us have a love and understanding for ARP and will continue to do what is necessary to help others in the program.  I will always refer to the tools and knowledge gained in LifeStar.  I will always love my dear parents.  I can't say enough about them.  I love them so much.  I will always rely on my Savior.  I will always remain close to Him.  I will continue to turn my will over to Him because He knows what is best for me.

I also want to thank my ecclesiastical leaders who have been so loving and non judgmental.  I am so blessed to have the Bishop and Stake President that I do.  They are amazing men and have been so good for me.  I believe that they are in the positions that they are at this time because I needed both of them to help me.  I will always love and respect them for all they have done for me.  They have helped strengthen my testimony of the gospel by how they have treated me.  Thank you!

Lastly, my dear wife Cherae.  She will be my lifeline FOREVER.  She is the greatest blessing to me here on this earth.  She is there for me each day at every hour.  She will always be my hero.  She is the most amazing person.  I love her with all of my heart and am so grateful for everything that she does for me and our family.  Cherae, I love you!

I fight for my freedom from addiction.  I fight for my family.  I fight so that I can feel the spirit and have it with me at all times.  I fight for the love of God.  I fight to destroy the enemy.

Brandon.

LIFE LINES (PART 1)

        I have received many emails asking for directions of where to turn for support, and healing.  I feel as though I have become quite the expert in this area since I have had experience in searching these things out myself.  Most of them I have been involved with whether its been past or present.  I have had so many wonderful positive experiences participating within these groups.
        I should first start of with giving credit to four certain individuals.  The first two are B & J (for privacy sake I am only using there first initial).  They have been long time friends of ours and they have been though hell and back from J's own addictions.  They paved the way for us individually and helped point us in the right direction for recovery.  B had always been an angel in my eyes, and I look up to her in more ways than one can imagine.  She is truly an example of Christ.  She stuck with her husband through the deep and darkest moments in his life.  At times I didn't know how she did it.  Her persistence of being a supportive wife kept their family together.  She was and still is an amazing strength for her 3 young kids, who at times didn't have their dad living in the home.   She never sugar coated anything for me.  She told me like it was.  Sometimes I wondered why she couldn't have just softened things just a bit.  Looking back I am grateful for her bluntness, and lack of sugar coating.  It made me stronger quicker and helped me to accept the truth for the ugly beast it was.  I will always cherish the special friendship that I have with that sweet angel.  
        Jake and Polly are the second two.  What heaven sent angels they have been to us as well! Almost literally.  Jake is a recovering addict and Polly has worked in the anti porn industry for many years with such organizations as Women for decency and now is the director of public relations for Addo recovery.  They moved into our ward 1 month before Brandon came clean and I don't doubt for one moment that their move into our ward was a coincidence.  My bishop had told me there was another couple in our ward who was very open about this topic.  When he told me who they were I had no idea who he was talking about.  He had talked to them and given them our names (with our permission of course).  One day, closely follow the "confession" I had a few close friends over helping me deal with my life.  The door bell rang and I answered it.  It was Polly coming to introduce herself.  This was my first time meeting her and I felt a comfort about her knowing that here stood someone who could relate to me.  She wasn't able to stay for long, and with a group of women already there it wasn't really the time to dive into what help I needed.  She followed up with me in the days following.  I remember a particular day that I was desperately struggling.  I was home alone and feeling like I couldn't breath, let alone survive this new life of mine.  Again, the doorbell rang. I opened the door and there stood Polly.  I couldn't speak, the tears just started flowing.  I knew in that instant she was sent to me that day from a loving Father in Heaven who knew what I needed in that very moment.  She came in and sat down with me and listened to me, gave me advice, and a direction to go for help and healing.  There have been numerous occasions since then that I have called her in tears asking for help to understand feelings I was having, fears I was facing, and how to get through my day to day functions.  She ALWAYS had good advice to give and I always walked away from her feeling so much better.  She is the one who I give credit to in helping me to really understand how to "let go, and let God".  Polly has a comedy blog that I would encourage you to check out.  http://www.comingtogrips.net.   In the beginning it was really hard for me to reach out.   I can't put my finger on why, all I wanted to do was isolate myself, not deal with it.  I would think thoughts like, talking to someone about this is not going to make me feel any better, and nothing anyone can say or do is going to heal me.  As much as that may or may not be true, its a start.  We all need a place to start our healing.  Mine started with  "B", and with Polly.  Those two life lines saved me.  They pointed me in the right direction and in my opinion gave me a head start in my recovery process.  I will always be ever grateful for them.
        Maurice W Harker, LPC (http://www.lifechangingservices.org).  That name says it all if you ask me.   Maurice is the man who had all the right answers for me.  He is the founder and director of "The sons of Helaman", which is a specialized self-mastery training system for young men who wish to overcome pornography and other sexual addictions, he also has a similar program that teaches the same concepts for adult men who are trying to overcome sexual addiction it is called "Men of Moroni".  Maurice Specializes in marriage therapy (especially of sexual misbehaviors are part of the problem).  He knows his stuff, and is very passionate about it.  He has helped me progress beyond measures in my recovery.   Life changing services also has a wonderful therapeutic group for women.  W-O-R-T-H, Women Of Rebirth Therapeutic Healing.  Within the month WORTH will be starting a  new in person group session, and on online one as well for those who don't live close by. This will be a free program led by a clinician that life changing services will offer.  It was very important and crucial for me to find a therapist in whom I trusted greatly.  Having previously been to him for marriage counseling I knew thats where I needed to turn for my "professional" healing.
        Addiction Recovery Program/ ARP (https://addictionrecovery.lds.org/?lang=eng).  This is the 12-step program put on by the LDS church.  It is free and they are held at many different locations, different times, and for different types of addictions.  They have one specifically for sexual addictions.  There are meetings for the addict and for the spouses of addicts.  The one I attend is for the wives of the addicts.  It is full of women who are looking for healing and recovery.  It teaches how to apply to atonement in your life to forgive  those who have wronged you.  It is amazing how much healing comes when you realize how to apply the atonement in your life.
        LifeSTAR (http://www.lifestarnetwork.com) is a great program for husband, wives and individuals who are looking for hope, healing, and recovery due to unwanted compulsive sexual behaviors and addictions.  This course was crucial for me in the early stages of healing.  It helps to explain the addiction, how it works, what its doing to their brains, how to find the root of why they turn to this addiction, how the addict can learn new behaviors that are healthy to replace the addictive ones, and how to heal.  It also really helped me to understand that the addiction is not about me or my weight, or how I look.  It taught me how to let Brandon "own" actions.  What he does is not because of me.  Im not responsible for the choices he makes.   LifeSTAR also has taught the both of us a much healthier way to communicate with one another and those around us.  Self care is also stressed in lifeSTAR.  Spending time on you.   Making sure you are taking care of yourself.  As women we tend to overlook our needs when we are in fight or flight mode.  Whether it be something as little as 5 min, it needs to be done.  When you are on an airplane receiving instructions on what to do in an emergency situation, the flight attendant tells the adult to first, put the mask on him or herself, and then the child.  You will be of no help to that child if you don't insure your survival first.  Take care of yourself!  Im not talking about being selfish, just enough time for you to step away from your troubles for and breath.
         Addo Recovery (http://addorecovery.com) has free 6 week on line recovery program for betrayal trauma.  They specialize in pornography addiction, sexual addiction, betrayal trauma, and other related issues.  I haven't started my course yet.  I've gotten so far as to sign up for it, and plan to begin in soon. This is where my good friend Polly now works and speaks highly of the help and healing that is offered.  *She did speak highly of them even before she started working for them*
        These are just a few of the many "LIFE LINES" that are out there to help with hope, healing, and recovery.  Not all of these will be for everybody.  You need to find the ones that work for you.  I would suggest trying many different ones.  You will find that each organization has something a little different to offer than the others.  For me it has been helpful in my recovery to be involved in a few at a time.
        Last of all, there are many different forms of "LIFE LINES".  They don't all come in the form of an organization as you well saw at the beginning of this post.  They come in many different ways.  My 4th child has been a lifeline for me.  I now know that she was reserved to come to our family just before the time of disaster was to strike to keep my mind distracted and focused on taking care of a toddler during a time of crisis.  She has preoccupied my mind and kept me company on many occasions when my older kids were at school and it was me and her alone at home.   Life lines come in the form of someone reading your blog and reaching out to you for hope and a life long friendship begins.  Life lines come in small miracles.  They are all around you.  You don't notice them until you are aware to start looking for them.  I pray for you all to search out and find the life lines that are best suiting for you in your healing and recovery process.

I fight for My healing, and for Brandon's recovery  

Lots of love,
Cherae

 
     

A TRUE CHRISTMAS

       Christmas morning there was a knock on the door at 7 o'clock a.m. The kids raced to the door. They were so excited to see their Dad along with Nana and Papa.  We made our way down to the basement and the kids opened their gifts.  It was a humble christmas yet full of Christmas spirit.  I had previously purchased a few gifts for Brandon that I hoped to have some sentimental value in the future. When all the kids were finished opening their gifts I gave Brandon his.  His eyes filled with tears when I explained the meaning of the gifts.  It warmed my heart to see his gratitude.  We finished up with our little family traditions then headed to his parents house and enjoyed yet more Christmas cheer.  It was time to head up to my parents house and I asked him if he'd like to join us.  He was very torn.  Wanting to go with us, but not having faced my family yet was a hesitating factor for him.  I left with the kids and started on our merry way.  I had the idea that Brandon would be close behind us.  I didn't give it much thought and continued on.  We were greeted at my parents with all my family there.  It was good to feel myself and kids surrounded with the love that my family has for us.  Shortly after our arrival the door bell rang and like all kids do they ran to open the door.  I heard my kids happily saying "Daddy, Daddy" and I turned my head just in time to see Brandon walk into the family room.  I was happy yet not surprised to see him there.  My heart went out to him for the courage he must be relying on to face my family.  They all greeted him with lengthy hugs, and lots of "We love you's".  I hope that in those moments he felt the unconditional love they all had for him.  We opened christmas presents and ate some lunch and then Brandon and I headed to my parents study to talk.  I asked him what his thoughts and hopes were between us.  He told me he knew that our family would be together and that things were going to work out.  Tears started streaming down my face as I gently nodded my head and silently agreed with him.  I then felt impressed to tell him that I will be there waiting for him when he is clean.  Ive never seen him shed so many tears.  I told him of my pleadings with my Heavenly Father and what the answers to those pleadings were.  He continued to cry.  In that moment I was again so greatly reassured by my Father in Heaven that everything would work out and that WE would be ok.  I hugged him. I didn't plan it, and it caught both of us off guard but it was the most full of love hug I had ever experienced with him to that point in our lives.  We continued to openly talk about our future together, felt the spirit confirm all that we had discussed, and shed many more tears.  The Christmas I had dreaded and feared the most turned out to be the best Christmas I had ever experienced.

I fight for my kids, for Brandon, and for myself, to remain together as an eternal family

Lots of love,
Cherae

THE INTERNET

I was planning on writing on a different subject today but I feel that I need to write specifically on the internet and how it is in the process of destroying thousands of individuals and families.

 For me the internet was really up and running when I returned home from my mission. I remember how easily and readily the content was on the internet. It soon became something that was not a desire to seek out but a need. A fix. Pornography is a drug and if you are not familiar with its effects it is just as powerful as drugs that are taken by a drug addict. It was only at the computer that this content was available. It was free and nobody needed to know about it but me. It was easy to start hiding my tracks. It was not effecting anybody but me (so i thought). I think I can say this for all pornography addicts, I soon became really good at covering my tracks, making it seem as though nothing was going on, keeping this secret deep down inside because I was ashamed of what I was doing and what it was doing to me. This new avenue of viewing was destroying my life by changing my perspective in life and making me lose the focus on what mattered most. What matters most is validation from God and from NO other avenue or source that could potentially be available.

For those of you who are parents of children and youth I want to reach out to you. I want you to know that if you think for one second that your children are safe on sites that you think are safe you need to check again. Before I came clean and told my wife what I had done I was not even using a web browser to feed my addiction. Aps are littered with pornography, aps that teens are using all the time. Any social media site has pornography on it. If your loved one is spending too much time posting, and tweeting and pinning then you might want to check out their content. Aps are the main source of images and clips of pornography. These aps that are on the devices make the pornography available at any time in any location. With no protection on phones, tablets or other devices we are only asking for the pornography to find us because at some point it will.

So, for me to feel safe online I have several rules. At work my computer faces the door so anyone at any given moment can see what I am looking at. This is a small price to pay for me feeling safe. I subscribe to a web service call covenant eyes www.covenanteyes.com that sends a daily report to my wife showing everything I have looked at online each day. This brings me comfort knowing that this is going to her and it also brings her comfort knowing that she can see what is being viewed. I run Open DNS on my home router and K9 on my home devices. I don't get the computer out at home alone. Ever. I don't feel safe when I am doing that.  Creating safety is essential in recovery for the one recovering and the one who has been offended.

There are a ton of resources out there to help with keeping the use of the internet safe. The largest factor for me is actually getting the help needed so that I can be online and feel safe. Covenant Eyes is a Christian based company with the purpose of helping families feel safe online. The adversary has found a way into the home of the poor, rich, religious, young, old, male and female.  It is a growing problem and I am now doing everything to fight against it.  I know that hate is a very strong word but I hate what pornography has done to my life.  I hate the paths that I walked because of it.  I hate that I lost out on time spent with my children.  I hate everything about it.  Now, I have the opportunity to fight against it, and so I fight for my family, I fight to be safe online and I fight to help my family be safe online.  I fight to educate my kids so that they are aware of the dangers and the traps that the adversary sets out for the youth.  I fight to be close to my Savior.  I love him and his pure love will win every battle that I am faced with.

Brandon