Looking back one year I recall the feeling that I had that I was ready to give up the life I had been living for myself and was willing at that point to do whatever it was going to take in order to find sobriety, recovery and peace. I had been carrying around too much. The stress, anxiety, isolation, anger, and all the other garbage that followed me was killing me. I was drowning in the depths of the traps and snares the adversary had set and was hopeless. There was no way for me to find help. I had resorted to the frame of mind that I was going to die in my sins and deal with the consequences at the time of judgement.
On December 5, 2013 I was able to peel back the first of several layers of the lies. It was painful. It was terrifying, It was awful for me and for my poor wife who just had her heart broken shattered. It was the start and that is all I really needed in order to start the process of coming clean. Clean from the addiction and clean from my sins. I had to start somewhere and this was the right time. I don't know why but I knew it was to be right then.
With no hesitation I found a LDS ARP 12 step meeting and started attending. I still go every week and will continue to go for as long as I feel the Lord wants me to attend. It may be for the rest of my life but that is ok. The program has helped strengthen my testimony of the Atonement. After all, the Atonement is the single greatest event ever on earth and is the only way any of us can return to Heavenly Father. There is no other way. I have always had the testimony but was hopeless. How grateful I am for the hope that the program has brought to me. I know the program is Christ's program, it is his way of healing the sick and afflicted here on earth. It works.
Going through the program each week brings me peace, comfort and greater strength. Working each of the steps each week helps me focus on the Savior throughout the week, day and at each needed moment.
I know that everyone has their own path of recovery. I know that my recovery is unique and I am truly grateful for it. I am blessed each day with the love of God through the spirit and through the lives of others. My family, my parents, siblings, in-laws, and so on have been a blessing to me. Everyone has reached out to me with open arms. Each of them have been a support in one way or another. Each of them have given me strength and they have all shown me love. I know that love the most powerful tool because it will prevail. How grateful I am for the love that has been shown to me.
The message I want to get across to anyone willing to listen is that there is hope and healing. Recovery is possible. There is a greater plan and it is available to all who are willing to listen and open their hearts. I know that as I continue to work the steps and do the will of my Father in Heaven I will continue to be blessed with sobriety.
I know that Satan is real and that he is relentless. He is willing to do whatever it takes to win a soul. He knows no boundaries. Nothing is off limits for him. He will do anything to get people to follow him. I know that he is knocking at everybody's door. I know he can be defeated. I know I can continue to defeat him. It feels so great to kick him in the teeth.
I will continue to fight for my sobriety, for the love that I feel from others around me, for my wife and for her safety, and I will continue to fight so that I can return to a loving Heavenly Father.
Brandon
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