MY WILL

When I was a kid I remember watching a movie with some of my friends about a mine collapsing and the kids were running to go save their dads that were in the mine.  My friend asked me if I would run in.  I told him no that the mine would also kill me.  He told me that was selfish.  He was right.  I am selfish and have been selfish for years.  I have recently learned how selfish I have been.  Doing anything for anyone else has always been a struggle.  Being selfish is not something that I desire but think that to some degree being selfish is something that comes naturally to all.  My will is something that not only hurts me but it is painful looking back at how selfish I have been.  I never had concern for anyone or anything while in my addiction.  Yes, the addiction really helps one become selfish.  The adversary does a great job at isolating and creating a selfish individual.

Step 3 in ARP is "Trust in God" and it is all about turning ones life and will over to Heavenly Father.  Neal A. Maxwell states; "The submission of one's will is really the only uniquely personal thing we have to place on God's altar...but when we begin to submit ourselves by letting  our wills be swallowed up in God's will, then we are really giving something to Him".  I have found this to be true.  Each day when I pray in the morning I turn my life and will over to God.  I ask him to take my heart.  I tell him that I will do ANYTHING he ask of me and promise to do His will.  This has been a big change for me.  Not only do I feel I have so much more peace in my life but I feel as I continue to tun my life and will over to God I have so much more freedom.  I am free from addiction, I am free from worrying about any lies, I am free from fear and I love the feeling I have knowing that I am doing everything my Father in heaven wants me to do.

I feel that I had a little different experience in my recover regarding turning my life and will over to God.  I got to the point where I was done.  I hit my rock bottom and knew I was done but needed help.  I feel like King Lamoni's father "I will give up all that I possess, yea, I will forsake my kingdom, that I may receive this great joy."  He was willing to do anything to feel the love of God.  I too am now willing to do anything to feel the love that my Father in heaven has in store for me.

As I continue to turn my life and will over to God I feel so close to him.  I can now say that I am working on being selfless and I am working on doing my Father's will.

Just a few quick examples of turning my will over: I am not bringing these up because I feel I am better than anyone.  I just bring these up because these were sacrifices for me but have brought me closer to God.  Music - I use to listen to so many different varieties of music.  I have a lot of music stored and was always looking forward to the new album.  Well, I have given it all up.  I listen to Mormon channel, my Pandora channel has one station now and it is Mo. Tab. and I also listen to a Christian radio station that has some great songs that bring in the spirit.  Time - I sacrifice time for my kids now when I didn't before.  I love the time I spend with them now.  I used to be so caught up in everything else that I never made time or gave them time.  I think as children that is all they want is time.  Not a perfect parent but time with the parents they have.  TV/Media - I only get my news from KSL or Deseret News.  I don't go to Fox or other media sources due to adds that are not appropriate for me.  I only watch selected shows with my wife.  I have to be very careful what I watch but am happy to give up the terrible TV shows that are on.  Language - this was not much of a sacrifice to me but I feel that when I give my will up I only use appropriate language and always talk respectfully to my wife and children.  My wife - I look for ways to serve my wife and kids.  Something so small like buying a blizzard or a box of Dilly Bars from DQ for the family makes me feel happy.  I look for ways to help at home now, kitchen, laundry and cooking with my wife.  I love being able to serve with an attitude of gratitude.

I love being able to turn my life over to the care of God.  I know as I do this my future is secure. "Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to an all knowing God".

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.  Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will; that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him FOREVER in the next.  Amen"  -- Reinhold Niebuhr

I will continue to do His will.  I fight for his love.  I fight for my freedom from the adversary.  I fight for my family.

Brandon