I should first start of with giving credit to four certain individuals. The first two are B & J (for privacy sake I am only using there first initial). They have been long time friends of ours and they have been though hell and back from J's own addictions. They paved the way for us individually and helped point us in the right direction for recovery. B had always been an angel in my eyes, and I look up to her in more ways than one can imagine. She is truly an example of Christ. She stuck with her husband through the deep and darkest moments in his life. At times I didn't know how she did it. Her persistence of being a supportive wife kept their family together. She was and still is an amazing strength for her 3 young kids, who at times didn't have their dad living in the home. She never sugar coated anything for me. She told me like it was. Sometimes I wondered why she couldn't have just softened things just a bit. Looking back I am grateful for her bluntness, and lack of sugar coating. It made me stronger quicker and helped me to accept the truth for the ugly beast it was. I will always cherish the special friendship that I have with that sweet angel.
Jake and Polly are the second two. What heaven sent angels they have been to us as well! Almost literally. Jake is a recovering addict and Polly has worked in the anti porn industry for many years with such organizations as Women for decency and now is the director of public relations for Addo recovery. They moved into our ward 1 month before Brandon came clean and I don't doubt for one moment that their move into our ward was a coincidence. My bishop had told me there was another couple in our ward who was very open about this topic. When he told me who they were I had no idea who he was talking about. He had talked to them and given them our names (with our permission of course). One day, closely follow the "confession" I had a few close friends over helping me deal with my life. The door bell rang and I answered it. It was Polly coming to introduce herself. This was my first time meeting her and I felt a comfort about her knowing that here stood someone who could relate to me. She wasn't able to stay for long, and with a group of women already there it wasn't really the time to dive into what help I needed. She followed up with me in the days following. I remember a particular day that I was desperately struggling. I was home alone and feeling like I couldn't breath, let alone survive this new life of mine. Again, the doorbell rang. I opened the door and there stood Polly. I couldn't speak, the tears just started flowing. I knew in that instant she was sent to me that day from a loving Father in Heaven who knew what I needed in that very moment. She came in and sat down with me and listened to me, gave me advice, and a direction to go for help and healing. There have been numerous occasions since then that I have called her in tears asking for help to understand feelings I was having, fears I was facing, and how to get through my day to day functions. She ALWAYS had good advice to give and I always walked away from her feeling so much better. She is the one who I give credit to in helping me to really understand how to "let go, and let God". Polly has a comedy blog that I would encourage you to check out. http://www.comingtogrips.net. In the beginning it was really hard for me to reach out. I can't put my finger on why, all I wanted to do was isolate myself, not deal with it. I would think thoughts like, talking to someone about this is not going to make me feel any better, and nothing anyone can say or do is going to heal me. As much as that may or may not be true, its a start. We all need a place to start our healing. Mine started with "B", and with Polly. Those two life lines saved me. They pointed me in the right direction and in my opinion gave me a head start in my recovery process. I will always be ever grateful for them.
Maurice W Harker, LPC (http://www.lifechangingservices.org). That name says it all if you ask me. Maurice is the man who had all the right answers for me. He is the founder and director of "The sons of Helaman", which is a specialized self-mastery training system for young men who wish to overcome pornography and other sexual addictions, he also has a similar program that teaches the same concepts for adult men who are trying to overcome sexual addiction it is called "Men of Moroni". Maurice Specializes in marriage therapy (especially of sexual misbehaviors are part of the problem). He knows his stuff, and is very passionate about it. He has helped me progress beyond measures in my recovery. Life changing services also has a wonderful therapeutic group for women. W-O-R-T-H, Women Of Rebirth Therapeutic Healing. Within the month WORTH will be starting a new in person group session, and on online one as well for those who don't live close by. This will be a free program led by a clinician that life changing services will offer. It was very important and crucial for me to find a therapist in whom I trusted greatly. Having previously been to him for marriage counseling I knew thats where I needed to turn for my "professional" healing.
Addiction Recovery Program/ ARP (https://addictionrecovery.lds.org/?lang=eng). This is the 12-step program put on by the LDS church. It is free and they are held at many different locations, different times, and for different types of addictions. They have one specifically for sexual addictions. There are meetings for the addict and for the spouses of addicts. The one I attend is for the wives of the addicts. It is full of women who are looking for healing and recovery. It teaches how to apply to atonement in your life to forgive those who have wronged you. It is amazing how much healing comes when you realize how to apply the atonement in your life.
LifeSTAR (http://www.lifestarnetwork.com) is a great program for husband, wives and individuals who are looking for hope, healing, and recovery due to unwanted compulsive sexual behaviors and addictions. This course was crucial for me in the early stages of healing. It helps to explain the addiction, how it works, what its doing to their brains, how to find the root of why they turn to this addiction, how the addict can learn new behaviors that are healthy to replace the addictive ones, and how to heal. It also really helped me to understand that the addiction is not about me or my weight, or how I look. It taught me how to let Brandon "own" actions. What he does is not because of me. Im not responsible for the choices he makes. LifeSTAR also has taught the both of us a much healthier way to communicate with one another and those around us. Self care is also stressed in lifeSTAR. Spending time on you. Making sure you are taking care of yourself. As women we tend to overlook our needs when we are in fight or flight mode. Whether it be something as little as 5 min, it needs to be done. When you are on an airplane receiving instructions on what to do in an emergency situation, the flight attendant tells the adult to first, put the mask on him or herself, and then the child. You will be of no help to that child if you don't insure your survival first. Take care of yourself! Im not talking about being selfish, just enough time for you to step away from your troubles for and breath.
Addo Recovery (http://addorecovery.com) has free 6 week on line recovery program for betrayal trauma. They specialize in pornography addiction, sexual addiction, betrayal trauma, and other related issues. I haven't started my course yet. I've gotten so far as to sign up for it, and plan to begin in soon. This is where my good friend Polly now works and speaks highly of the help and healing that is offered. *She did speak highly of them even before she started working for them*
These are just a few of the many "LIFE LINES" that are out there to help with hope, healing, and recovery. Not all of these will be for everybody. You need to find the ones that work for you. I would suggest trying many different ones. You will find that each organization has something a little different to offer than the others. For me it has been helpful in my recovery to be involved in a few at a time.
Last of all, there are many different forms of "LIFE LINES". They don't all come in the form of an organization as you well saw at the beginning of this post. They come in many different ways. My 4th child has been a lifeline for me. I now know that she was reserved to come to our family just before the time of disaster was to strike to keep my mind distracted and focused on taking care of a toddler during a time of crisis. She has preoccupied my mind and kept me company on many occasions when my older kids were at school and it was me and her alone at home. Life lines come in the form of someone reading your blog and reaching out to you for hope and a life long friendship begins. Life lines come in small miracles. They are all around you. You don't notice them until you are aware to start looking for them. I pray for you all to search out and find the life lines that are best suiting for you in your healing and recovery process.
I fight for My healing, and for Brandon's recovery
Lots of love,
Cherae
I'm so proud of the woman you have become. I love you so much my darling daughter.
ReplyDeleteI had no idea that there are programs like these... thanks for sharing them :)
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